Why I’m not a feminist anymore

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This has been brewing in my head for the past year. Today I am not a feminist anymore. What a relief…

Adios feminism

You know there is something wrong when feminists automatically fight the idea that women have power. Saying women are powerful beings has become sexist, because it supposedly means denying the hardships that women have been going through since… forever apparently. How does that make any sense? Encouraging women to fulfil their potential should be the ultimate feminist agenda, yet they keep coming up with excuses for women to dwell on their weaknesses instead of promoting genuine empowerment. Saying that men are not filthy, heartless pigs has become sexist. Caring about men’s feelings – yeah, they do have feelings – makes me sexist. Anything I say against feminism makes me a prejudiced cavewoman. Basically, saying things has become a weapon and feminists keep on blabbering about fake issues like manspreading to keep women from realising their true power.
 Feminists will always come up with excuses to put women down and glorify the vague concept of patriarchy, and pretend women are martyrs because without all this imaginary drama, they have nothing, no excuse not to improve themselves, because it will always be men’s fault. That is an apology for weakness and it won’t help anybody become more assertive or self-aware.

I have taken a hard long look at the movement and at my own personal motivations in life and I can’t in all honesty consider myself a feminist anymore. I started seeing the world in a whole new way. I’ve been rediscovering what friendship, love and family mean. And I just couldn’t reconcile this new outlook with my role as a feminist.

I actually think that feminism is a twisted movement that hates both women and men and that it should be stopped.

I have been making feminist porn for four years. I have met a lot of different people and have reached a number of conclusions. My idea behind the project was to research, to ask questions and get to know myself better in the process, and share that process with my viewers and readers.

Labels, labels everywhere

When I started making movies, it made sense to me to label them under ‘feminist porn’. People kept asking me what my definition of feminism was, which didn’t make sense to me because I don’t believe we get to adapt reality to our own individual standards. Open the dictionary and you’ll find the definition. So, it was feminist because I paid male actors as much as female actors (porn is one industry in which women are paid far better than men). Because I provided respectful working conditions and created characters and stories that aim at destroying both cliches of the man-machine and the woman-whore. Equality meant bringing the sexes together. But it was naive of me to think the word feminism could be reinstated to its initial definition, because today’s feminism is definitely not the same as my grandma’s version of it. She was born when women didn’t have the right to vote and witnessed clothes hanger abortions. Today, we go on SlutWalks. Women’s sexuality definitely needs to be empowered, but not by doing the exact opposite of former generations. And, it’s wrong to think that men don’t face their own challenges too, because they’re definitely going through a harsh identity crisis.

I was surprised that my website developed so quickly. People obviously crave meaningful content, but unfortunately, this desire to reconnect with each other is constantly hijacked by this new trendy feminism. The Ryan Gosling effect. There is a war on women, and it’s called feminism.

For the four years that I rode the cool wave of sex-positive feminism, I saw the mainstream porn nomenclature being replaced by another grid of tags and categories and people just shoving themselves into tinier and tinier boxes, in the name of equality. But nobody knows who they’re supposed to be now. Are you gender-fluid, gay, non-binary, bisexual, cis, pansexual…? Come on, think about it, which box feels cosier? All these fake new concepts and words. 76 genders. Just new names for new problems. New tags and categories to make sure we are always reminded of what makes us different instead of the same. These categories take over our personality. You’re not you anymore.

Our womanhood has become both our shackles and our anthem. We promote it and condemn it at the same time.

I used to think that stores should put healthier-looking mannequins in their windows. But I was simply promoting the fact that women are dependent on the fashion industry to find self-worth, that all they should think about is what they wear. How come we don’t teach little girls about child labor, because nobody seems appalled by the fact that slave children make these clothes for us. Are these the values we’re supposed to teach the next generations?

Goddess or witch

Women. Everybody talks about us. Fantasizes about us. Sells to us. Everybody seems obsessed with women. Saying that we are equal to men means nothing. We are clearly different. I fought this idea for a long time but I can’t deny the obvious biological and psychological differences that we have inherited from the habits of the first people. Our sexuality is different. This constant comparison with men is misguided. Is our sexuality as good as men’s? That statement comes from a deep insecure feeling about women’s sexuality. It is different, probably even more profound than men’s. We are more empathic and less enslaved by our libido. Let’s not pretend that’s not true. I can find the phone numbers of 10 guys on my phone who would come over right now to compulsively jerk off to my feet. No woman I know would ever do that.

The whole world runs for women. Men get up in the morning to work, build stuff, invent stuff, impress us, provide for us, charm us. It’s not men’s fault if there are less female engineers. Men tend to be more technical. So what? We don’t need to be the same. Why are we still craving validation from men? We are goddesses, not witches. Imagine a woman who walks into a restaurant and makes most men in the room turn their heads towards her, bewitched by her beauty as she slowly walks to her table. Is that sexist? Or is that the proof that this woman has been given great power? Would she go on rants and complain about these men’s creepy staring? Or would she be aware of her power and use it to make the world a better place? When we realise that, we stop being threatened by the world and by our true womanhood.

We need to be smart here, ladies. Just like rich guys need to be smart and sign a prenup. Gold diggers are not a myth and evil men eat insecure little girls for breakfast. Seriously, it’s like, magnetic. So, by being so obviously self-conscious, you just end up attracting the worst crowd. They can always spot the low self-esteem, no matter how often you change your hair colour to try and hide it.

What about those nasty stereotypes that keep my precious self from blooming? Well… Women do drive like shit. I don’t even have a license because I know I would end up killing somebody. But who cares? Who cares if guys make fun of me because I can’t coordinate my brain and limbs on the road, I’ll get a guy to drive me around while I become the next Zappa or find a cure for cancer. And the girls who want to become race drivers or engineers will just, do that. People might question their talent, because women might not usually be gifted in these fields, that’s why they need to be even more badass than all the others. You don’t see male ballet dancers get hysterical about ballet being a field dominated by women and blame society for their failure, because they’re too busy working their asses off to become the next Billy Elliott!

We keep saying that women should be free to enjoy their sexuality. Nobody ever kept me from doing porn. Yes I got some bad comments from a handful of people but it never kept me from doing my thing. Can you imagine Buffy protesting against vampire-culture on campus? No, because she’s too busy kicking ass quietly at night. Her womanhood helped her be the best, it didn’t keep her from saving the world. Using our gender as an excuse to not take up our life challenges and as a way to blame others for our stagnation will only make us victims. Quite disappointing for creatures who have inspired the best creations of mankind.

Yes, there is rape, there is murder. Us women are pretty creatures, we can make men go crazy. And today’s world is scaring everybody equally. As women, it’s scary to go home after a night out drinking fucking mojitos, but we never think about how scary it is for guys to walk at night with a girl because if some asshole comes around, they know they’re the ones who will be expected to fight said asshole.

I also noticed that I don’t act like an outraged rape victim when, let’s say, I say I’m too tired for sex but the guy keeps on being handsy. I’ll just see the situation for what it is and tell the horny being next to me to calm the fuck down until I’m in the mood. I had come to think that men were just looking to take advantage of me and it clouded my intuitive judgment, so a long-time partner of mine would suddenly transform into an insensitive macho pig and I wouldn’t be able to analyse the situation clearly. It just created problems out of thin air. Of course if the guy rapes me, then he’ll go to jail, but let’s not put up our victim mask every time something happens. 
Yes there is sexism at work. But it goes both ways now and if you still don’t like it, then you don’t need to be a corporate slut anyway. Is our goal as women to prove that we can also be greedy CEOs? Women who run successful businesses don’t waste their time with this feminist crap.

lilith feminism

What is womanhood?

I only began to encounter my true womanhood when I stopped thinking feminism was an incontestable way of life. Our mission today is not to post angry tweets about instagram removing a picture of our tits. We were made so self-conscious about ourselves that we are now craving validation and then getting pissed for receiving dick pics on Tinder. We’re better than this. Being sluts doesn’t make us independent women. Did you ever wonder how you came to that conclusion? Are you a Samantha or a Carrie?

And crucifying men, doing the exact same bigoted shit to them as they did to us in the past, does not make us justice warriors – why use the word warrior anyway?
Most men I meet either get boner problems or pretend to be all open-minded and polyamorous so they can fuck as much pussy as they can. These men have been guilted into their sexuality, just like women. There is equality in the sense that we were ALL being manipulated into hating ourselves and each other. Everybody is trying to find themselves in these fake categories and definitions, oblivious to the fact that they are being corrupted.

Women have been tricked into selling their most precious gift, into hating their own femininity. The young feminist women I meet today during fleeting friendships, are either depressed, neurotic or talentless, more obsessed with selfies than helping uneducated women in poor parts of the world. Or they’re too busy getting into a cause that has nothing to do with them, like fighting transphobia without even understanding what being trans really means, just so they could pretend to have a goal or any sense of fulfilment in life and without actually doing anything.

I always had trouble with the idea of motherhood. I never wanted to have kids and I had trouble reconciling that with my womanhood. However, after getting married, I realised that I was already a mother. I may never want to have kids physically, but I am very mothery and I care about people’s comfort and happiness. Feminism made me hate that part of myself, it made me think that I was a pushover, but when I use my common sense, I don’t need feminism to tell me what to do or how to behave. I have made peace with both my female and male aspects. We are all a delicate balance of both femininity and masculinity, but there IS a femininity and a masculinity. It is NOT sexist to say most women are caring or empathic. That would just be the most blatant denial of who we are. The more feminists get angry at all this stuff, the more they embrace the same stereotypes they are fighting against in the first place. What I hate more than the word hysterical, is a hysterical woman. And there are only two genders, no matter how badly we want to lie to ourselves because we’re so obsessed with our own reflection that we become oblivious to the vicious mind control happening.

Making banners and shouting about how guys are dicks will not help you become an assertive woman. It will not teach you how to fend for yourself, how to make a man or anybody listen to you and take you seriously. It will just tell you that you should complain about how unfair things are like an angry little girl. Empowering, really? It will make you sick with the victim/victimizer virus that is eating up our global CPU today.

The woman above, Kate Smurthwaite – lol – goes on TV and transparently patronizes us saying women deserve equality and we should all be sensitive about women’s plight, that we should all live together happy forever. Thanks, I hadn’t thought of that! Who does she think she is? She is so full of shit that she actually thinks she’s teaching us basic love and decency.

Not all feminists are like that! That’s what I used to say, because I was a feminist and I’ve always loved men and hoped for a more cohesive life together. But it was irresponsible of me to call myself a feminist without actually researching what the people representing this movement were saying. Femen or hairy smurfette above don’t represent me or know what I want, as a woman and human being in this society. This is fake generosity, fake concern, only to conceal the saddest, most bitter women out there.

I used to hate having the feeling that a guy was talking down to me, you know, mansplaining. Why would he underestimate me? Because I’m a cute little French girl? Why wouldn’t he take me seriously? 
I felt like that because I was personally insecure about being a stupid girl. And this vicious feminist projection of my own weaknesses onto men kept me from asking myself the real question: Am I being a stupid girl? Self-awareness is key. Being a girl doesn’t keep me from being an idiot. What if I was actually being stupid? And I knew the answer to that but I preferred to get angry at men than trying to figure out why I had that insecurity in the first place. Turned out, I was being stupid, I was being played for a fool. I was being ignorant of the bigger picture, and there is no excuse for that.

Bigger picture

I was also truly disappointed at some of the female feminist porn directors I’ve met over the years. I realised that sex and feminism were simply used as a marketing tool, adding a cool new look to the same old patterns, still paying men less than women, tweeting about manspreading, pinking up their logos and fattening up their bank accounts, laughing out loud while we fight over whether or not Miley Cyrus is a feminist icon. As if being women prevented them from being greedy vampires.

Yes, we are free to show our tits. We GOT equality. What are we going to do with it?

I travelled through the North of India and saw villages where women do all the work while men chill and smoke. Our feminism means nothing to them. Talking about privilege when they have no idea about the rest of the world, all cosy in their gluten-free bubble, those petition-signing youths care more about their freedom to be themselves, the freedom to be ignorant, than about the ugly truth. Fuck freedom. You’re the only one who has the power to make yourself free. Anything that comes too easy is not to be trusted. Feminism, like all isms, is a cultish ideology. Did you know that the term isms first came up in 1680 and was then used by George Bernard Shaw and Julian Huxley, two major members of the Illuminati? We think we’re fighting the conservative agenda when instead we still whore ourselves out to big brother, fighting his fight while he watches and laughs. It’s time to have some original thought.
 I aborted this cultish obsession for gender equality and realised I had fallen into the trap that was set for me decades, centuries ago.

It’s time to take our fingers out of our pussies, stop begging for approval and get on with the rest of our exciting journey here.

Sharing is caring… right?

This whole new social justice thing is a trap. It’s just a way to get us to fight each other. Pick your side. Are you with the blacks? The feminists? Or with the racists and sexists? Because it seems these days that if you’re not one, you’re automatically the other. These are ideologies that seem harmless to us because we’re so oblivious to what’s going on around us, but they are not, harmless. They spread a more hidden agenda. A shift of power. The bullied become the bullies. PC trumps truth. Everybody is equal. Everybody gets the same. And the government should take care of that, of course. It might scare somebody with basic knowledge of history, but everybody is too busy taking snapchats in class these days.

Something has shifted. Up is down. Left is right.  Black is white. Men are women. Women are men. Feminists make porn while 13-year-old Russian girls become sex slaves. Men are whores. Women are violent. A true depiction of hell. A world that is crashing down while the spoiled young generations argue about meaningless shit, wondering why the emptiness inside them doesn’t go away.

Feelings are getting hurt and people start fighting, holding banners in the street, screaming like zombies. Don’t you see what is happening? They are making us turn against each other so we are more docile and ignorant of the real agenda. Don’t be fooled. We need to evolve, now.

Yes, the system is unfair. It’s the system! That’s how it works! Try to actually follow the rotten smell to the source instead of jumping into the first ego train that comes your way because you’re too scared to fight the actual bad guys.

Ladies, let’s drop the entitlement and get to work. The next century is not going to be a piece of cake.

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  1. I am happy for you that you dont’t need feminism anymore.
    But in the rest of the world some women do need, because is the only movement that still care about some topics, like abortion or domestic violence (in my country a lot of women die for those reasons).
    I agree that feminism have some problems (although I dont agree with most of the problems you highlight in the article), but it’s a movement made of people and, you know, people make mistake! So let’s improve it, let’s make it better.
    Like I sayd, I am happy for you that you don’t need feminis anymore (because it doesnt fix your news forms of thinking about family, love and friendship) but I am really sad because you could not see that other women still need, and that your voice, in some level, was really important.
    Ps: I am sorry if my english is wrong, it is not my first language.

  2. Hey Lucie, you don’t know me but I want to tell you that what you’re experiencing is a crisis that has been brought on not by “feminism” per se, but a particular branch of feminism that is actually not feminism at all but patriarchy dressed up like feminism. Everything you’re describing that is making you freak out here: 76 genders, there being no male or female, narcissicism, blah blah is because of Liberal Feminism. Liberal feminism is not feminism at all. It is patriarchy. It is identity politics.
    It is capitalism. It is a trick. And it is sad because it has tricked you into self-hate and thinking that women and feminism is the problem. You should research radical feminism otherwise I literally think you’re going to have a mental breakdown. You seem like you’re somehow on the right track but instead of realizing that you’ve been duped by fake feminism, you seem to think feminism itself is the problem. You mentioned that now you’re concentrating on love, friendship and family–why do you think that’s thw opposite of feminism? It’s not. Those things are cornerstones of feminism. But the garbage liberal feminism you’ve been fed up until now IS the opposite of those things but that’s because, as I said, it’s not really feminism. Just patriarchy/identity politics whose whole goal is to derail actual feminism and make women hate each other and themselves. It’s sad.

  3. Are you sure you need all that blaming and bitterness just to take a break and concentrate on your private life? Do you really need these conspiracy theories (see the vid linked to your text)?
    And the part about women in tech… you don’t seem to know much on the topic, to say the least. Which is OK, just please respect other people’s experiences.

  4. Because Feminism isn’t easy to make money. But if you make something art into Sexism without the name of Feminism, it’s easier to think, ignore discussion and make money. I don’t care so much who gonna let pass their belief of last days. But at least, be honest please. You just fed up with discussions, afraid to face the matter, while people finding answer.

  5. Lucie, sounds like you’re going through a journey. I don’t think people are convinced by argument, counter argument stuff, so I’m not going to try and say how I think you’re wrong, but I think what you say about one type of culture that uses feminist language, doesn’t apply to most forms of feminism, doesn’t apply to most revolutionary or emancipatory projects. What I get from you is that you’re very frustrated with a particular culture, and who can blame you? Just like you think the particular culture you hate isn’t very useful, then don’t you feel that maybe that culture is lying to you when it pretends to represent all kinds of feminism?

    If you want to look at the bigger picture stuff, read texts from South American feminist writers from Mexico or Bolivia, or Indian feminist writers, or from the revolution ongoing in Rojava where they have a women’s militia, or wherever interests you. Read Arundhati Roy, tell me if her stuff isn’t feminist, she gets to the heart of problems better than anyone.

    If you want to read about the way that USSR was similar to current US, read David Graeber on bureaucracy.

    And whatever else you do, keep learning, keep an open mind.

    Take care, good luck

  6. I was going to start looking at your work, but I just changed my mind.

    How to know if you’re a feminist:
    1. Do you have a vagina?
    2. Do you want your vagina to be free?

    If you answer yes to both questions, congratulations, you are a feminist!

    Don’t be silly, dear.

    • about the 2. what is freedom and what kind of metaphor do u prefer for it?
      1) life tree becoming the knowledge tree thks to adam+ eve
      2) the satan’s feather in “la legende des siècles”
      i guess u prefer the “how?” over the “why?”. don’t you?

  7. I’ve been on this website before and really enjoyed your work, but this post really made me feel disconcerted. I agree with your point that feminism has problems- as do most organised institutions and -isms that have ever come into existence, however commendable their original goal. But I have always believed that if you want a specific community to change, you have to bring the change. And you can’t do that if you put up your hands and complain about said community, or decide to leave it altogether. I think that feminism today needs critical thinkers, people who will not be afraid to find faults in it and realign it to arrive at a more inclusive, more positive feminism. I do not want to get into what points mentioned here I do or do not agree with, but there is one I have to bring up- that dictionaries alone have the power to define. Firstly, dictionaries are also written by people and can therefore never be objective, however hard they try. Secondly, most concepts in the world are much too complex for two lines in a dictionary to do justice to them. And these definitions can always change or have multiple interpretations. Regardless, my motto in life is to embrace -isms in the forms that they take to fit into my life, and to accept that they are ever-changing.
    Also, coming from India and having grown up amongst women who have suffered greatly at the hands of patriarchy (not men), I can vouch for this country’s dire need for feminism. And I would also agree with the comment below that recommends exploring international feminisms that seem much more flexible, to try and find the feminisms that you would agree with ideologically. I know that as an Indian woman, the works of Gayatri Spivak and Mahasweta Devi have brought me a great sense of belonging and satisfaction since they are more in tune with my realities.
    I hope that you come to believe in feminism and its capacities again over time. Take care.

  8. It amazes me how often so many women use the term empowerment. It is almost as if women can no longer say” please pass the ketchup”. Instead they must say ” Empowerment would empowerment you empowerment please empowerment pass empowerment the empowerment ketchup”. It is pathetic. I coached women’s soccer and weight training for many years. Women who engage in strenuous exercise don’t have all these neurotic compulsions of self deficiency.They are in constant contact with males who are actively involved with taking generations of male knowledge about sports and teaching it to women so that women will live this aspect of life within themselves, rather then just admiring it in males. These women get a chance to be around males who want to see woman being strong, not weak. These women then lose their lie that All men want to see women being weak. But, there is no place in the private lives of these men for WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL- MEN ARE NOT. Real androgyny is not about “Women are strong too”. Real androgyny is about ” Women are strong too”.and and and and and and and “Men are beautiful too”. Women keep forgetting about that second part. Real researchers are discovering that even the most so-called straight women’s brains go dead under an MRI, while looking at men’s bodies. 99 per cent of straight women would rather see dogshit up close than to see a man in a speedo. And this shows in porn created by women. You can see more beautiful men in porn created by homophobic males. I check porn sites for women and few show men in the marquis photos. Half of the marquis photos show women facing away from the men. The women are nude and the men are often fully clothed so the “””””straight””””””” women viewing the picture can enjoy the beauty of the female form without having to be distracted by the ugliness of the male. It is your right that all women want from men is to be a dildo and vanity mirror to female beauty.It is your right- but it does not make you good companship to any man except one who is on his 33rd reincarnated life and he is yet to even consider going to a women’s sporting event, or any other activity which shows women as powerful – or admires women in any way other than sexual.

  9. Your statement on labels was an interesting one, but one you should practice for yourself and perhaps understand the need of labels for others. Knowing I fit some labels let me know I wasn’t alone in the world, that people who shared this label shared the experiences I did.
    At the same time, these labels can mark me as different, which is okay too. We are all human, true, but to be different doesn’t mean a separation of anyone being any less human. We shouldn’t be told we’re the same, we should be encouraged to celebrate the things that make us different.
    You have a right to not label yourself a feminist, but feminism taught me who I am and what it meant to be different but still worthy of love.
    I still love the work you do, but I found most of this post to seem slightly self serving

  10. This is excellent, Lucie. You’re not the only one who feels this way. It’s very refreshing to hear someone else question the ideology that’s gotten out of control. Be brave, be strong, be you.

  11. What a shame. I was really looking forward to watching some of your stuff but am no longer interested because of your stance here. Your arguments aren’t that well formed and look, while you’re totally entitled to your opinion, I just can’t get on side here. As others here have articulated in the comments, feminism isn’t just about creating victims out of women. At its core, it’s about recognising that inequality between the sexes exists in the world and tries to look at ways to combat that. Because feminism and civil rights are bedfellows, queer rights and other kinds of activism will also undoubtedly become part of the stew. But I don’t think that means you should abandon calling yourself a feminist, because you are frustrated by the current discourse of social justice and activism. And hey, in many ways, I can see your point. I for one am offended to be called a ‘cis woman’ when I’ve always been a ‘woman’ and I don’t enjoy having my identity challenged, which is one of the things which must annoy you too.

    The reason I choose not to view your work is simply because I doubt you’d be able to run various websites and make pornography if feminists before you hadn’t paved the path so you could get a decent share of the pie of life. And I think your characterisation of feminism is reductive and perhaps you should try and read more widely (from both camps!) because one cluster of voices isn’t meaningful enough.

  12. I agree that social justice―not just feminism, but social justice in general―needs to take a step back and try for a more loving and humanist approach. Men are not worth less than us, white people are no different from black people aside from the advantages they are afforded―the systems in place are not their fault unless they go out of their way to reinforce them. Anger has become trendy, and that does so much more harm than good.

    That said, this post isn’t an example of the loving, empathetic direction I want to see feminism head in. You can fight for the freedom of women across the world without downplaying that there’s still room for improvement in our own countries, the same way you can care about climate change and still organize park cleanups for your local neighbourhood. This post is just adding more anger, more hatred to the mix. And moreover it’s hurtfully disregarding the experience of other people: women who are fighting to be taken seriously in tech or professional racing, or people who like having terms like genderqueer because it finally gives them a word for the complicated identity they’ve always had, helps them find a community that validates them and makes them feel less alone. You don’t have to fit into a box if you don’t want to, and god forbid, you don’t have to give up on your femininity if that’s part of who you are. But women should be allowed to act like themselves without fighting against a set of preconceived notions about who they’re supposed to be based on their gender. That’s the entire point.

    I don’t know if you intended to make people feel less valued by writing this. I’m not sure why else you would use the term slut as though our sexuality is something ugly and dirty. I don’t know why you would use “hairy” to describe a woman as an insult if you think we should feel comfortable and loved in our own bodies.

    If for now you want to focus on women’s emancipation in other countries, then I think that’s a good, positive goal. I would still like to subscribe to your website in the future, but not while it’s producing content that―I can see from the video that linked me here―is no longer in tune with my fantasies. Best of luck to you.

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